It started with just a simple game, that’s the reason why I made a blog here in WordPress… Hindi ko alam na yung game na yun ang magbabago ng lahat…
Verse I: The Birthday
Biglaan ang nangyari, nag message sa akin si Momochan na nasa store ka nila, Birthday kase niya, hindi ko expected na iinvite mo ako, dun mo unang na share yung wordpress page mo. I feel so flattered that you are really entrusting me these kind of big things. January 26, 2009, I started reading your page in WordPress, doon ko na rin naisipang gumawa ng blog sa wordpress, doon isinilang ang dalawang blog ko… ang Melaminecholic at ang Yvarro.
Verse II: Anonymous Blogger
I’ve posted interesting topics in both blogs, kilala mong ako si Melaminecholic… pero that time, hindi mo alam na ako rin si Yvarro. Maraming nag-comment sa mga posts ko… marami akong nadagdag sa blogroll ko, ang dami kong nakilala sa wordpress… at alam kong marami ring nakakilala sa akin. You’ve commented to me saying that I am a promising blogger… Natuwa ako dahil a part of me seems to feel that I finally seen something worth doing… Na kahit na sa simpleng blog lang eh nakita ko yung self-worth ko… Then you asked me to keep it low, That I really don’t have to show who I am in blogosphere, just like what you are trying to do. I feel awkward about the situation… but I finally agreed, I deleted my real blog… and started posting at Yvarro: My anonymous blog…
Verse III: The Masquerade Game
And to make things even complicated… we played a game… I’ll try to be anonymous, and you have to guess who am I. That was the same time I decided to change the name of my blog from Yvarro to Maskara. Nakilala ng blogosphere ang apat sa mga Maskara ko: Si Yvar, Esmina, Ravy, at Animse. Simple lang ang mechanics ng game… Bago matapos ang February, you have to know who I am amongst the new bloggers on wordpress…
Pre Chorus: The Revelation
Siguro, I just made things so obvious, o baka matalino ka lang talaga (taragis na ip address yan)… dalawang linggo pa lang ang dumaan nakilala mo na kung sino ako. Yun yung mga oras na sa tingin ko ay gumawa na nang pangalan ang mga maskara ko sa wordpress… ang hirap bawiin nung mga impression na ginawa ng page na yun. At sa hindi malamang dahilan, huminto ka na rin sa pag k comment sa page ko.
Chorus: How to Save a Life?
Parang tanga lang siguro ako na naghahanap ng atensyon nung mga panahong iyon. I admit minsan tae lang tong kaibigan mong toh… may mga bagay talaga akong ginagawa na hindi tama… Hindi talaga ako marunong makinig… Hindi kita sinisisi… ang ibig ko lang sabihin eh: Sorry.
Verse IV: Mema
Pagkatapos nun, sinabi mo sa akin ang mga ilang bagay na ayaw mo sa ugali ko sa pagb blog, na minsan mema lang ako, attention freak, epal. That I have to be careful on every comment that I have to write, hindi ako nakikinig. You even accused me na marami akong “Anonymous” na blog…
Verse V: When Fire and Ice Collides
You then told me one of the reason why you stopped visiting my blog. Tae lang naman!!! Para kang girlfriend na pinagselosan ang bestfriend ko?, san ka ba naman ako babaling nun? Parehas kayong mahalaga… Pero suntukan na lang kung papipiliin mo ako… Ang irony lang eh kung paano naipit ang Tubig sa gitna ng Yelo at ng Apoy.
Pre Chorus II: The Missing Day
T’was your birthday… I appreciate that you still invited me. Then you still made the effort of inviting me to go leave the town for just a weekend pagkatapos nun… Hindi ko alam na yun na yung last time na magkakasama tayong mag gagala… Can’t believe na nagtatalo pa tayo bago umalis ang bus galing sa “Vegas”.
Bridge: Two Years
We parted ways after that, never shared emails, or text messages… Just heard some news about you from common friends on how you’ve been. Still checking your blogs every time…
Refrain: Para sa Aking Saranggola:
Siguro kung tatanungin mo ako ngaun kung binitawan ko na ang lubid na magdidikit sa atin, isa lang ang isasagot ko: nilagyan ko na noon ng bubog yung pising nagdudugtong sa ating dalawa… para maging matibay at hindi nila magagawang putulin. Lumakas man yung hangin… pinipilit pa rin kitang hilahin… pero sadya sigurong mali yung pagkakahawak ko sa pising may bubog; “Kapag masakit na… bitiwan mo na…” yan ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, habang unti unting nasusugatan yung daliri ko kakahila sa iyo pabalik. Minsan iniisip ko na mas madali nga siguro ang mga bagay bagay kung bibitawan mo na lang… at hayaan ka na lang lumipad palayo…
Ngunit isa lang ang alam ko: Lilipas ang ilang taon… Magkakaroon ako ng maraming bloggiversary… Magkakaroon ako ng maraming kaibigan. Makakakilala ng maraming taong papahalagahan, ang magpapahalaga sa akin, ngunit hinding hindi ko malilimutan na minsan nagkaroon ako ng isang kaibigan na katulad mo… hindi ako mapapagod na maghintay…
Repeat Coda till fades…
There’s a lot of changes that happened last year. It all started with hope that it would be a new start for me… Moved to a new place, gained new friends… even had a chance to break free from my mom…
Freedom always brings more perks… and what’s in return?… Responsibility.
I remember that short story about a Puppet Master who created a puppet and move it with a controller which is connected to her body, eventually he gave the controller to the puppet letting the puppet make or decide her own movements… her own actions, everything is doing well with the puppet’s new-found-freedom, she learned new things, new actions, for her, everything became very exciting, not until the enemy came…
The enemy tried to get a hold of that controller… and once he was able to snatch it from the puppet, he started manipulating the puppet… hurting her, and controlling the puppet to hurt herself…
Then queue the Puppet Master, he helped the puppet, in the end of the story, grabbed the controller from the enemy, and gave it back to the puppet, and the puppet decided to give back the control to her Master.
I am just a mere puppet last 2011, with no control to whatever situation led me to. I know, I grew a bit, physically, emotionally, socially, and mentally… but in the end I still feel so empty. Freedom sometimes will never feel like freedom, without the liberty of expressing my love for my Master…
As what that song said:
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind †
Just woke this morning and it feels like 2011 again… I feel just the same… Same regrets, same hopes, same friends-lost. Same bed with same dreams… maybe nightmares…
People who are reading this blog might advise that I shouldn’t be looking at the past – well blessed is he who remembers… and woe to him as well. People say that I have a very sharp memory, I thank God for that; I never forget important things and event, specially when my emotions are heightened… but having a sharp memory can also be a curse, it makes you remember everything… all failures that you’ve done, all the frustrations for the things that you could have done…
January 1, the first day of the year; I had a chance to bond with my one of my best friend, there are lot of things that happened since we met last year, we are both different from the last time we saw each other… I just invited her to to my place, ate lunch, watched some movies, and talked to fill the gap of the whole year that we didn’t see each other… And just as I expected it to be… It is one of the most magical moments of my life…
She told me one thing that I’ll take heart for this whole year:
“When you grow old, all that will make you smile will be memories, good memories… so when you are young keep collecting good memories, memories that you can keep in your heart.” – Radical Flower.
2011 for me is not that really worst… but I know it could be better if I have live it the other way… To spend time with people who are already on my reach… to forgive the people whom I know I haven’t forgave, maybe first on the list is myself. To move on… REALLY move on. My life here on earth is too short to live in regrets… I know the ghosts from my past is still there to haunt me down… But I know this time I’m ready to face them…
And maybe start again living in the direction that the Puppet Master is leading me…
“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” ††
† – “Worlds Apart” – Jars of Clay, Jars of Clay (1995)
†† – Philippians 3:13 (NIV)
Well not exactly this time… just got a new netbook, and applied for a new plan for broadband… so I believe next month will be the start of one helluvablogging year. I would like to say sorry to those blog whom i wasn’t able to visit… to those contests whom I promised to join, but I wasn’t able to, to those comments that I wasn’t able to follow through…
Tried to update, (and failed)… Just filled my new post lists with more drafts… And I always feared that what I was about to draft was all nonsense…
Maybe that’s the reason why I hid myself before by using some masks… I’m not really a fan of tagging myself in the middle of all my emotions… I’m starting to train myself how to breathe without masks… and I am asking for all your support on that. I’ve been blogging for quite a while now, and most of the time, my posts are all about metaphor and imagery… some are just make-up stories…
I really don’t know what will happen tomorrow, if I will be able to update this blog or not… if I will be able to continue posting here in Thumbnails, or If I’d opt to go back in my old website wearing masks…
I am somehow happy with my other blog… I can be who I wanted to be… Playing pretend has always been an option… been famous, got some awards, and even gained more friends… BUT suddenly you will realize that it is not you, but your masks are the real ones who are becoming famous… and they are the ones who are really gaining more friends… and they are the one who are really getting some recognitions and awards… Your masks were the ones who are taking the limelight while you are just the lame shadow on the background… Gee, I started to feel like being a bipolar because of my previous blog… no, I feel like being two person at the same time… I know at some point some of you guys have felt the same way too… When our masks takes hover our own personality, and losing ourselves in the process…
That’s when I remembered why I started wearing a mask here in blogosphere… I was afraid that no one will accept me of who I am. I started wearing a mask because I was trying to please the people who are reading my posts… There are a lot of reasons why I started blogging before, but none of those are really for me…
This is me on my another attempt to be consistent on blogging…
We were strangers starting out on our journey
Never dreaming what we’d have to go through
Now here we are and I’m suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
sorry kung hindi kita natetext ng madalas. kung sa maraming pagkakataon, hindi ako nagrereply, kapag kinukumusta mo ako.
pasensiya kung, nararamdaman mong parang hindi ako nag-aalala kung anu nang nangyayari sa iyo. and totoo, nagw-worry din ako. pero alam ko naman na ok ka lang naman, kase meron naman nang ibang nagbabantay sa iyo.
you are still loved. (remember?)
nagkausap na kami ng future kumpare ko. sabi ko sa kanya, parehas pa rin ang rule.. (pag may umiyak.. sapak.) hehehe..
andito pa rin naman ako para sa iyo eh. hindi na nga lang ganun kadalas, i know, you are already starting your own family… (and i’m starting to get my own life.) kelangan ko namang isipin ang sarili ko paminsan minsan, yan ang sabi ko sa sarili ko. masyado na talaga siguro akong naging attach sa iyo.
We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you
nagsinungaling ako sa iyo, hindi totoong ganun ako ka-busy: ayaw talaga kitang makita sa mga panahong ito, hindi dahil sa ayaw kong makita na dinadala mo yung blessing ng pagmamahalan ninyo ng “anak” ko, gusto ko lang matira sa alaala ko yung picture mo nung mga oras na madali kitang nasasamang lumabas. Yang Chow Spicy, saka NaiCha, ice cream cake… (though hindi naman talaga ako fan ng matamis at malamig.
nami miss ko yung paglabas natin at pagpunta sa mall. (kahit madalas kinukuwento mo na hindi mo nasabi sa kanya na magkikita tayo, dahil seloso siyang tunay.)
nami miss ko yung mga times na kinakamusta mo ako, ikaw ang pinaka sincere na taong nangumusta sa akin.
nami miss ko yung boses mo. (pramis) tuwing tinatawag mo akong “dada”.
ipinost ko na rin yng song mo para sa akin. (sorry kung tinanggal ko na yung song na to sa playlist ng phone ko, mas lalo lang akong nagiging emo pag naririnig ko to.)
I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
I know that my dream will live on
I’ve been waiting so long
Nothing’s gonna tear us apart
next month or so, you’ll be living a new life… meron ng baby ang little momochan ko.
hindi ko alam kung anung mararamdaman ko para sa iyo. para sa akin. I know i must be happy for you. Pero hindi mo maitatanggal yung nararamdaman kong inis somehow (hindi ko man inaamin, nagseselos ako.) masaya ako na meron ka nang kasama for better or for worse… (o nalulungkot ako na binitiwan ko yung love ko para sa iyo.)
And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey
nandun pa din yung ipinangako ko sa iyo, saka sa lahat ng mga matatalik kong kaibigan, your “dada” will always be here for you.
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you.
Heya, for some of you guys who are waiting for an update on my first wordpress blog, i’m sorry.
Been busy with work… 😀 hehehe, and i also moved to a new house (room) place … pad (apartment) … whatevahyoumacallit …
And yes! I am an adopted Pasigeño right now! (I actually have to google the alt code for “ñ” , and its alt+0241)
Just got certified on my chosen career, only plus one thou increase, havent buy my own laptop yet, less time online…
And most of my time during offs, in manila, i spend my time online gaming… (darn Battle of Immortals!)
I actually have several ideas to junk online, but I was boxed with those masks, basically, i don’t know how to categorize them?…
One time youre feeling Ravy, then the next time it will be Esmina… and then Vary, etc. Confusing right?… (Hell I care if you understand it or not?)
I am not a fan of blogging my own pictures, (or videos though) but hope that you’ll find sometime in reading my posts here on this page… at yes!!! nagtatagalog po ako!…
But like other bloggers around wordpress.. (or those dotcomers) it is easier for me to express myself in english rather that “tug-a-logue“…not only just trying to become coño (gee! that alt 0241 really helps a lot … hehehe… )
Expect the same things for me, cool real life blogs, personal experiences, or fictional stories, bondng and “magic” moments with my friends… (ymo most of the time) …
But more real this time.
Real life stories. (parang bio channel lang .. hahaha!!!)
And since this would be a blog for myself, I will be blogging most of the time about my stories, (so back off haters! peace.)
Yun lang po muna, consider this blog as my debut for this new Temporary Home.
Blessed be guys!