Still. Life. It is My Story


There’s a lot of changes that happened last year. It all started with hope that it would be a new start for me… Moved to a new place, gained new friends… even had a chance to break free from my mom… 

Freedom always brings more perks… and what’s in return?…  Responsibility.

I remember that short story about a  Puppet Master who created a puppet and move it with a controller which is connected to her body, eventually he gave the controller to the puppet letting the puppet make or decide her own movements… her own actions, everything is doing well with the puppet’s new-found-freedom, she learned new things, new actions, for her, everything became very exciting, not until the enemy came…

The enemy tried to get a hold of that controller…  and once he was able to snatch it from the puppet, he started manipulating the puppet… hurting her, and controlling the puppet to hurt herself…

Then queue the Puppet Master, he helped the puppet, in the end of the story, grabbed the controller from the enemy, and gave it back to the puppet, and the puppet decided to give back the control to her Master.

I am just a mere puppet last 2011, with no control to whatever situation led me to.  I know, I grew a bit, physically, emotionally, socially, and mentally… but in the end I still feel so empty.  Freedom sometimes will never feel like freedom, without the liberty of expressing my love for my Master… 

As what that song said:

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind


Just woke this morning and it feels like 2011 again… I feel just the same… Same regrets, same hopes, same friends-lost. Same bed with same dreams… maybe nightmares… 

People who are reading this blog might advise that I shouldn’t be looking at the past – well blessed is he who remembers… and woe to him as well.  People say that I have a very sharp memory, I thank God for that; I never forget important things and event, specially when my emotions are heightened… but having a sharp memory can also be a curse, it makes you remember everything… all failures that you’ve done, all the frustrations for the things that you could have done…

 Aftermath January 1, the first day  of the year; I had a chance to bond with my one of my best friend, there are lot of things that happened since we met last year, we are both different from the last time we saw each other… I just invited her to to my place, ate lunch, watched some movies, and  talked to fill the gap of the whole year that we didn’t see each other…  And just as I expected it to be… It is one of the most magical moments of my life…

She told me one thing that I’ll take heart for this whole year:

“When you grow old, all that will make you smile will be memories, good memories… so when you are young keep collecting good memories, memories that you can keep in your heart.” – Radical Flower.

2011 for me is not that really worst… but I know it could be better if I have live it the other way… To spend time with people who are already on my reach… to forgive the people whom I know I haven’t forgave, maybe first on the list is myself.  To move on… REALLY move on.  My life here on earth is too short to live in regrets…  I know the ghosts from my past is still there to haunt me down…  But I know this time I’m ready to face them…

And maybe start again living in the direction that the Puppet Master is leading me… 

“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead”

– “Worlds Apart” – Jars of Clay, Jars of Clay (1995)

†† – Philippians 3:13 (NIV)



12 responses

  1. J. Kulisap

    May isang text akong natanggap.

    Sa isang araw daw, at least dalawang tao ang napasaya mo, at ang isang don ay ang ating mga sarili.

    Masaganang Bagong taon. 🙂

    9-January-2012 at 8:23 am

    • Ahahaha!!! hay kuya, napasaya mo ako ngayung araw… 😀 hehehe… happy new year din sau kuya… anu na pong balita?… may bago ka nang bloghay?…

      9-January-2012 at 10:45 am

  2. I love Jars of Clay, too. Sad they seem nonexistent now.

    Pray all the best for you. 😀

    16-January-2012 at 2:43 pm

    • Worlds apart lang ang nagustuhan ko sa Jar’s of Clay nung simula.. ( ang totoo… hindi ko pa naririnig yung kantang yun, kabisado ko na ang lyrics.. kung paano nangyari yun?..- hulaan mo.. hahaha!!! ) … thanks for dropping a comment… 😀 you’re one of my new found blogosphere this year.. 😀

      17-January-2012 at 10:56 am

      • Hahaha. 😀 No One Loves Me Like You ang gusto kong kanta ng Jars. Gusto ko sila kasi gospel ang songs nila na hindi halata kapag unang rinig.

        Same here. You’re also one of my new found blog here at WordPress. Cheers. 😉

        18-January-2012 at 8:12 am

  3. I was saddened while reading this at first, pero towards the end, binigyan mo rin naman ang sarili mo ng hope, and I believe you realized that there is still so much more to life than hardships and problems. Isipin mo na lang na lahat ng mga obstacles sa buhay ay magiging source of inspiration mo when the going gets tougher.

    Tama ang sinabi ng kaibigan mo na you have your memories to look back on when you grow old so while you’re at it, make sure that the memories you make are good ones. Ako naman nga, idadagdag ko lang na whatever memories you make now, when you become older, you will just look at them and tell yourself how infinitely luckier you are because those things now called memories were the ones that toughened you up for the more exciting things that accompanied you in this journey called life. 🙂

    Look ahead, Yvarro! 🙂

    16-January-2012 at 6:20 pm

    • Ay! gusto ko to… 😀 hehehe… what cant kill you make will make you stronger?… am sorry kung medyo hindi maganda ang unang paragraph ng blog ko for this year…

      Gusto ko lang masulat kung anung feeling ng simula ng year na to, I know mommy kaye, things will be better this year… at the end of this year, i’ll be writing my year-end post… and I’m sure I’ll just laugh it out kung gaano ako naging ka emo sa simula ng taon na to.. 😀

      Salamat sa pag post ng comment mommy kaye!! 😀

      17-January-2012 at 10:53 am

  4. Some may say that it is not good to look back at your past but always remember that your past in itself was able to make you who you are today. Your past successful honed you in becoming who you should be. Some call it destiny, some call it fate, I call it life.

    20-January-2012 at 6:19 pm

    • Tama, that’s was I believed for atleast ten years of my life… religiously thinking that we learn from out past…

      Di tumagal naging unfair na rin ako sa sarili ko… medyo nakatalikod na ako naglalakad.. 😀 siguro… balance pa rin ang kelangan…

      salamat sa pagdaan nga pala jay…


      21-January-2012 at 12:25 pm

  5. Oh.. I really hope you accept everything the way it is and has been. Because when you think of it, there is nothing else you can do? There is nothing to change than the future, and you in it. If you just accept it, let it go – THEN I think you can start focusing on the things that are within your control!

    21-January-2012 at 5:38 am

    • wow!!! thanks halina for dropping by… 😀 you are really right when you say that we have to focus on things that we are in control of… 😀 … I really have to put that in mind …

      21-January-2012 at 12:29 pm

  6. ichecheck ko mamaya yung kanta . mukang senti sentihan eh. hehehe

    hindi ka na puppet u can fly freely this 2012 at sa mga susunod pang taon.

    ok lng mgbaliktanaw sa nakaraan , parte yun ng buhay natin.

    We are the product of our past 😀

    26-January-2012 at 8:50 pm

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